remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
