im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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