make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize