I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
