we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize