Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
