i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
