I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
