I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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