sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
