I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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