Umm I'm too high to move.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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