the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you will always have a special place in my vag
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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