how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
