I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
