I could have mohawked her pubes.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
