I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
