He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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