I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is my gift to your gina
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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