I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
