Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
