when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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