two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
