my vag is so smooth its legendary
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
