If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
