im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
