we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize