Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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