my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
