I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i love accidental penises.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
