Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize