I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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