if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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