i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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