remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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