are you still at the devil's house?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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