and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
