Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.

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(619): View more from California

there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly

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(612): View more from Minnesota

You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.

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(509): View more from Washington

Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down

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(660): View more from Missouri

What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.

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(916): View more from California

hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.

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