4 words: hood of his car
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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