Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
