i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The Olympian is in my bed
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize