2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The best revenge is premature balding
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
