In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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