My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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