You can't motorboat a personality
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize