Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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