I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
