Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
