My cat gives me a boner
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
