Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We named our party play list daddy issues
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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