The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got chris browned last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
