he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize