i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
of course. lets lasso hookers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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