and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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