I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
