East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
