can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
