Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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