omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
