Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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