My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
