he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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