my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
