What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
