matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
